Guard Against “Confidence Inflation,” Love “Smart Suffering,” Seek “Experience,” Not “Status”
Three stories that define “confidence inflation” and the values I hold about life
Full text: 1,450 words, reading time: 6 mins 21 secs.
There are only two ways to truly internalize knowledge:
Make mistakes (discover what you don’t know)
Digest and output (explain in your own words)
Inspired by Weekly I/O, I record my weekly learnings (or sudden insights) in bullet points and summaries. This forces me to keep growing—and I hope it helps you too.
This week, you’ll get
Backbone ≠ Confidence inflation
Embrace “intelligent hardship”
Life is the sum of experiences
1. Backbone ≠ Confidence inflation
Can you tell the difference between “backbone” and “ego”?
Let me share three true stories:
[A]
Sean, my current power and income—someone helped me get here.
I think you have potential.
When a colleague only a few years older than me—promoted to junior manager less than a year—said this out loud, I froze.
Not with joy, but with the absurdity of “who do you think you are?”
I’ve seen many forms of PUA: the calculated put‑down, the empty flattery, the casual contempt. But this level of clumsy, rough execution? A first. I almost blurted, “Want to go polish that script and try again?”
This junior manager was known for politicking, credit‑grabbing, and managing upward. I started with “don’t judge people through rumors,” willing to collaborate. But that single sentence torched his image; depths revealed immediately.
That line about “status and income” is ego begging for recognition—not backbone.
[B]
You asked, “What value did I create for the company?”
That question is Offensive!
This came from a Business VP.
A friend of mine did a two‑year graduate program in Western Europe and recently returned to Taiwan to job hunt. During an interview, the VP asked: “If we hire you, what value can you bring to the company?”
My friend answered. Then in the Q&A, he asked the VP, “What value have you brought to the company?”The VP erupted: “That question is Offensive.”
Anyone who’s worked in Taiwan (or broadly, Chinese corporate culture) knows: be deferential to superiors and you sidestep random moods and disasters. It keeps you safe. But that culture is outdated—and it blocks value creation.
If the VP’s backbone came from within (not siphoned from others), my friend’s question would land neutral—and be easy to smash back with a strong answer. The reflex to feel offended reveals insecurity, and a habit of not treating others as equals.
“That’s Offensive” is ego, wounded, clawing back control.
[C]
Sorry—could you remind me of your name once more?
I once had the fortune to share a dinner table with a woman who served as APAC Brand GM for multiple FMCG and consumer electronics brands. She was never overbearing—only warm and sunny in how she faced people and things.
At a banquet, the first thing she did after sitting down was ask my name. She repeated it, and throughout the meal—she kept using my name. She asked questions. She did not preach.
Afterwards I realized: I spoke a lot, gained ideas, yet knew almost nothing about her. I felt equal parts guilt and admiration. I want to be like that.
That “sorry” is backbone and respect.
—
In the first two stories, the protagonists suffered “confidence inflation,” printing ego to prop up a shaky internal economy. The third protagonist—despite her position, despite the gap in life fullness—treated me, a rookie at life, as an equal. No “you should.”
Let backbone speak for you—not inflated confidence.
Key Takeaways
Ensure your backbone comes from within
Always treat others as equal individuals
Audit yourself for “confidence inflation,” constantly
2. Embrace “intelligent hardship”
This applies if you’re in this season of life:
You’re in an ascent/learning phase
You have few obligations (family, parents, kids)
You’re restless, pursuing excellence
Embrace hardship
When you’re young and unencumbered—able to sprint—you should soak yourself in “ordeals.”
Work or life:
Take on the grind most people refuse; embrace setbacks, fear, and the unknown—excitedly
When you err, own it; ask humbly how to improve; play the infinite game
When you stagnate, crave discomfort and struggle (happy in the chicken coop? No—seek fear!)
Life happens once. Death and departure visit quietly. Don’t waste it.
Choose smart
“Don’t let tactical diligence hide strategic laziness.” Identify your strengths and weaknesses. What excites you—and creates tangible or intangible social value? What bores you and drains you?
Find your strength, amplify it, and apply leverage:
People leverage (use talent)
Capital leverage (use money)
Media leverage (use content)
Technology leverage (use tools)
Fixing weaknesses caps you at 60 points; amplifying strengths with leverage yields multiples. Choose the hard problems that favor your strengths, and meet them with leverage.
Don’t compromise because others insist. People who truly care might nudge—but won’t oversteer. Those who push hard either lack lived experience or have an agenda. Don’t let others decide your path.
Key Takeaways
Better the tail of an ox than the head of a chicken; never stop learning
Engage the world with your strengths—not by overworking your weaknesses
Use leverage; delegate; doing everything yourself is inefficient
3. Life is the sum of experiences
The title line is from Die with Zero ↗. Its core ideas (quoted from the book’s summary):
Optimize your life
Don’t wait until retirement to start doing what you love. Actively pursue the experiences you want now. Seek meaningful, memorable experiences.Invest in experiences early
Your life is the sum of your experiences. When you look back, you’ll remember their richness. Plan the experiences you want and start now.Set a net‑worth‑to‑zero target
Ideally, you spend your money before you die—on peak personal experiences, caring for family, leaving your mark. That’s the goal.Use every planning tool
You don’t know when you’ll die, but tools can estimate life expectancy. Use them in your plans.Give money when it matters—now
Give what you intend to leave to your kids before you pass. After death, it loses meaning. Help when it can most impact their lives.Don’t live by habit
There’s no universal rule for personal finance and balancing competing needs. Don’t coast. Be ready to update and change.Set a timeline for life
We all die. Before that, we pass through phases. Plan for each phase—not as if life is endless.Know your peak
To achieve your greatest contribution, stop working at the right time. Figure out what that is before the end. No one on their deathbed wishes they’d spent more time at the office.Be bold. Take chances
The younger you are, the more risk you should take—and the braver you should be. Find low‑risk opportunities—and go. As you age, this narrows.
Looking back on my early career: work sharpened me; it let me shine. I loved selling solutions, translating complexity into clarity, and the dance of competition and collaboration to hit goals. But the memories that make me feel alive—excited, warm, unregretful—are these:
In Boljoon, Philippines, playing late‑night billiards with farmers, betting, and losing all my cash
In Phú Quốc, Vietnam, living and sleeping with fishermen, eating their meals—not tourist food (P.S. their soups pack a punch)
On the footbridge on Heping East Road in Taipei, singing loud and badly with my then‑girlfriend—uncaring of anyone’s gaze
These experiences have a long tail. Even five years later, I can draw joy from them, convert it into fuel. You should seek these—and get them by any honest means. Your efforts should maximize life’s experiences. Give love to those you cherish—especially yourself.
Key Takeaways
Pursue experience (meaningful joy, anger, sorrow, and delight)—not status or money
Keep humility, curiosity, and passion for life
Walk your road and learn—but stay true to your first principles
That’s what I’ve gathered lately. If it helps you too, that’s enough.
All images in this article were generated by Microsoft Copilot
All image prompts were created in collaboration with DIA Browser.